I woke up Thursday morning and it was all I could do to get out of bed. It was one of those days when it seemed like the weight of the whole world is all over me. The only thing that I wanted to deal with was to hit the snooze button again, roll over, and go back to sleep.It was a luxury that I could not afford, so I had to settle with my normal routine.
And as I hit the shower, I battled my thoughts: I can’t go on. I’m too tired. I want to give up. God, I just want to give up. It’s not worth it to go through all this. Tired of fighting, tired of the heaviness and weariness that seems like it will never end.
By the time I settled down to spend some time with God, I was in full fledged complaining mode. I told Him how I felt, and was somewhat comforted that I might be able to get a little sympathy from Jesus, since he had been down here and knew what it was like.
And then read again from Ephesians and when I was done, I almost had enough strength to face the day.
On the way to work, instead of listening to a podcast, I put on some worship music, still needing a little shoring up of my will.
And then the song came on. It was one we’ve just started to sing at church and I hated it when I first heard it. The tune grated on my nerves and I almost blipped to the next song, when I started listening to the words:
Lift up your heads, you gates of brass.
You bars of iron, yield.
And let the King of Glory pass.
The cross is in the field.
And in my mind, I could see an army on a great battle field, like the one in the LOTR, where the odds are impossible, but the King goes out before them with the banner. But in this scene it was Jesus going out before us all fighting against the Enemy of our souls. And He was carrying the Cross.
You armies of the Living God,
Stand in your Captain’s might.
Go where no hallowed feet have trod,
Arise My warrior Bride.
O fear not, faint not, halt not now,
Don’t quit. Like men, be strong.
To Christ shall every nation bow,
And sing with you this song.
I went after Him with a war cry, charging forward, keeping my eyes on the Cross.
Uplifted are the gates of brass,
The bars of iron yield.
Behold! the King of Glory pass:
The Cross has won the field!
The victory was His and is mine as well. “He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.”
And with that in mind, I went through the doors of my workplace and faced the day.