I had the desire to write something tonight, but really don’t know what. I finally decided that I need to just start writing because otherwise the words won’t get on the page.
It’s kind of like my relationship with God lately. He’s been wanting me to step out before I really know where I’m going, and wanting me to trust Him to be there.
I recently had an “opportunity” at work–an opportunity for more responsibility and more management without adding any of the kind of work that I really like to do–the technical stuff. Fortunately, I felt no pressure to take it, it was my decision, yes or no. When I shared this with my wife and told her about what this new “opportunity” would be like. Her response was, “Now, why are you even considering this?”
My response, “I don’t know. I kind of feel like God wants me to consider taking it.” I had this niggling feeling in the back of my mind, but before I actually made the statement, I don’t think I had actually thought I should consider the new position.
After praying about it, and wrestling about it and not feeling strongly one way or the other, I finally said. “Ok, God. I don’t want to take this position. If I do, it will not be easy. But I think You want me to accept it. So I will, and if this is not Your will, please shut the door.“
So I told my boss that I’d accept the position, and he said that he’d let me know. I expected a big announcement and a moving forward, but there was nothing for months. And then a big re-org happened and everything has been up in the air…but still no mention of the new job.
It is actually a great relief, almost like a weight is gone. I feel like I stepped out to do what God wanted me to do, and then He closed the door and said “No.” At least for now. But I’m ok about it either way.
You can’t steer a ship that isn’t moving, so I think that God wants me to step out in my uncertainty and faith and trust that He will direct me and catch me when I fall.
Now that I’m at the end of this post, I look back and am surprised. I’m not where I expected to be. But that’s ok.