Uncharted Waters

2010_02Feb_2853I found the following entry in my journal about the same time as I finished the nursery.  It gives an idea of my thoughts a month before the baby was born:

March 2, 2010

When Christopher Columbus set sail, he had no idea where he was going.  He was trying to sail west to go east and prove a crazy idea. But it could have all ended with his ship falling off the edge of the world.

We’re heading in uncharted waters with a new baby on the way.  Only another month.  We’ve traveled this path before, but never like this.  How do I be a father to a newborn and a teenager?  I guess I’ll have to figure that out as we go along.  This is a baby of promise. An answered to a prayer, although the timing wasn’t expected. So what does that mean?  How will this change the life that we’ve been living up until now.

In more ways than I can imagine, I expect.  I’ll have to be less selfish, have less free time, spread myself thinner.  Make ends meet.  But it will be good.  There will be new jokes, new laughter, new surprises, new perspectives.  And that is a good thing.

When I walk by the nursery, I picture a little wad of a thing all curled up with eyes closed, breathing baby breaths, sighing baby sighs. I hear the plaintive cries, the flailing arms, the helpless babe.  I can help him.  There is room in this house for another.  There is room in my heart for another child.  It wasn’t there months ago, but it is there now.  We’re going through with this thing whether we like it or not.

I also can see ~D~, especially, driving the kid crazy.  I was merciless to my little sister (10 years younger than me), making her cry on purpose.  A frustrating older brother.  Oh, I’m sorry little one. I will try to help you, but you’re in the family now, so you’ll get picked on like the next guy.

But I think you’ll find a pal in ~K~.  He’s more sensitive and patient.  He’ll show you the ropes and play with you and be a big brother to you.  He talks big, but is a real softy underneath and will defend you when you’re down.

Oh, and don’t worry about Mommy.  You’ll never feel unloved with her around.  Yup, kid, you’ve picked a good family and we’ll be glad to see you when you decide to come.

 

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